Why Self-Esteem and Pride Are Good for Your Health
Self-love isn't just for Pride month, or just for LGBTQ+ people. Everyone can benefit!
Words by Trey Burnette
The Pride Month of June (celebrated most everywhere but in the Coachella Valley, which honors it when the heat is less intense, in November) is important for many reasons. It’s not just a time for celebrating openly en masse at parades throughout the world. It’s also an opportunity to look inward, reaffirm we are worthy, and get a boost of self-esteem.
LGBTQ+ people start our lives with a secret we’re not entirely conscious of, knowing something about us is different. We don’t name it because we’re usually too young to comprehend it, and somehow know to keep it to ourselves when we do figure it out.
We often conclude our secret is shameful and dangerous, and surmise we ourselves are shameful, learning to survive by bargaining, justifying, and making ourselves smaller. We carry our secret and shame until it almost breaks us.
It's About More Than Coming Out
Most of us eventually come out proudly, yet still strain to love and take care of ourselves in healthy ways because the falsehoods about who we are stay ingrained in our core. We’re told to have healthy self-esteem after being taught to have shame, but don’t know why or how we are supposed to achieve that.
Every LGBTQ+ person — actually, every person, period — deserves to have pride. It’s important because pride leads to good physical and mental health. “Self-esteem is at the core of psychological health,” says Jill Grover, PhD, the clinical supervisor of DAP Health’s Behavioral Health Internship program. “People with high self-esteem and self-compassion believe they are worthwhile, capable of helping themselves, and optimistic about the future.” These beliefs lead people to know they’re worthy of self-care and fulfilling their needs, no matter their sexual orientation or gender identity.
To raise self-esteem, we have to work through and release shame. “Learning to refute and reject old, inaccurate, negative messages from childhood [and society],” Dr. Gover says, “is essential in forming a healthy self-concept.”
First, we must examine those sources of shame, guilt, and negativity we were taught, and then establish our own standard of values based on what we deem healthy, equitable, and just. Part of that process is letting go of good or bad judgment and adapting the “this is what I need and what is healthy for me” model of living. We also need to learn to forgive ourselves and move forward when we act on choices that are not the healthiest.
The Five Essential Elements
Moving forward, we can gain a better and healthier sense of security, identity, belonging, purpose, and personal competency. These five essential elements of pride and self-esteem lead us to a greater understanding of who we are, and help us express ourselves in healthier ways and have richer interpersonal relationships. “When we are inclusive and welcoming, inviting others to join us, we are creating a sense of belonging,” Dr. Gover says. “When we share with others our goals, dreams, and values, we build a sense of purpose.”
By being honest and consistent — and expecting that from others — we build trust and security. And by working toward our goals and trying new things, we learn personal competency. Our ability to make healthier choices strengthens, and we learn we can be visible, proud, and expressive. We can join that hiking group or take that art class.
Oscar Wilde said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance,” and having pride is a way for all people to love and care for themselves and every other member of the diverse communities they live within and among. During Pride Month, and all year long, practice the art of self-love, whether you’re a member of the LGBTQ+ community or not. The world will be better for it.